I Know
The day I left
His house I closed
The door and said
Aloud
These words
Like I was asked
My feelings from
The clouds,
Like muscle memory
Kicked in and took
Control, I had
No choice.
A doctor swung
A hammer at my
Heart to hear
My voice.
I know.
Then every time
I've seen him since
And we start to
Part ways,
I say aloud
The second that
He can't see
My face
These words,
And I write it down
In a diary
I keep
To show him when
The time is right,
But for now is just
For me.
I know.
And now I wait
Here for the day
That I get to
Hear back
The words I have
Screamed to his face
While hidden behind
A laugh,
A smile, a nod,
A tug at his shirt,
A kiss, cause it's
Too soon,
But you can bet
I can’t wait
To hear him say
It too.
I know.
Hung The Moon
I look at you
Like you know
Everything that there is
To know.
I look at you
Like all of the planets
Revolve around
Your glow.
I look at you
Like every war
In the world could be
Dissolved.
You could smile,
And all of the problems
That we have could
Be solved.
I know it's not
That likely that
You could do just what
I said,
But if I was told
You hung the moon,
I would not be surprised
You did.
Run
Dear rider next in line,
Listen closely, please,
For the ride you will be taking
Is not what the poster reads.
“Full of flirty fun and fire,
Free of heartache, see the glow!
Feel the warmth, the love, the heat,
Go places you would never go!”
Having gotten off this ride,
Burned, yet, nowhere near the sun,
I’m begging you to leave the line
Before it is too late to run.
Out
I want out.
I have never been around
A love that held me down,
I have never
had a heavier
Crown.
I see from this two-story window
That I just might
Reach
The ground.
If I could stick the landing,
I just might
Jump now.
Scattered steps from an unfit foot,
But you won’t
See me
Around
When I get out.
How it Goes
Here's how it goes
When I meet a guy,
He thinks that I'm cute
And quirky and bright,
He thinks that I have
Something he's never seen,
He thinks that we make
Such a great team,
He's perfect and funny,
And I fall to the floor,
He's sweet and likes
Everything I adore,
And I fall under ground,
I fall to the core
Of the earth and I melt
Like I've never before,
Then he tells me the thing
That I did not expect
From a man that I spoke to
For days without rest,
For days and weeks
And months on end,
He tells me that he
Loves me as a friend.
He Thinks
He thinks I'm great,
I don’t know why.
He thinks I'm funny,
Like I don’t try.
He thinks I'm smart,
He thinks I might
Be good for him,
If I play nice.
He thinks I'll be
What he wants.
He thinks that I
Will get along
With his friends
Who like to talk.
He thinks I'm strong
Enough to stop
My jealousy
When he drops
Stories of
The girls I’m not,
But he is wrong
In his thoughts.
I think he needs
To re-think a lot.
Poker
I picked up the cards
From the table
When I sat down.
I had an ace,
And a ten,
Both spades,
Ante's out.
He picked up his cards,
Leaned back,
Looked around.
I smiled,
And he frowned.
My spirts up,
And his, down.
I straightened my elbows,
Bit my lip,
Shared my space.
He held close
To the chest,
Looked at no
Other face.
I bet after he passed,
Then he bet
Before too late.
Was it boredom?
Or a play? Only he
Could ever say.
But he wouldn't.
Three cards on the table:
An ace of clubs,
A jack of spades,
A king of spades.
My smile grew,
His frown stayed,
And we played.
He bet, and I raised it.
He met it, but
His face did
This thing where I
Could tell
He wasn't feeling
What I felt.
A 10 of hearts was laid.
I sighed, but it's okay.
I have two aces.
I could make it.
He looked happy,
But he faked it.
I knew it once the final
Card was laid.
A queen of spades.
Too soon? Or fate?
Was it more than
He could take?
But he looked away.
I tried to signal.
I tried to scream.
It was okay,
'Cause we were a team,
If I go all in,
I win. And if I win,
He wins.
But we just played.
He held his hand closer, now,
And he bet
Once more.
He didn't even look to see
As I turned toward
The door.
You could call it a bluff,
But I could feel
His hand
Was cold.
It’s sad, but
In this game, two
Can’t hold the
Cards I hold,
So, I fold.
Good Enough
I look at her,
She's perfect.
I hear the way
He speaks of her,
I remember how
He's talked about
Missing her
For years.
I see, now,
Why the girls
Who have come
In and out
Have felt
The way I do,
And have had
The same fears.
I cannot compete
With perfection.
I don’t want
To go on
Thinking he
Could leave
If, someday, she
Shows up.
I'd rather have
Nothing then
Spend my time
In love but
Never feeling
Like, to him,
I am
Enough.
Her Spot
She left her spot 6 years ago,
A hole, a mold he tried to fill,
But two years gone, and she was still
Not enough to fit.
He said that I might be the one,
The closest to the very sun
Herself, but even if I won,
What did I really win?
A spot where I will always be
The closest to the person he
Lost, but then, now what if she
Wants it back again?
Irrational
I have seen every photo
Of you on Facebook,
And not just yours.
I have seen every girl
Throughout your life
Give you more
Then I think
I have
To give.
I am not a hit,
I am a miss.
And every picture I see
Of your face hurts more
Than the last.
If it hurts this bad now,
I can’t imagine
Looking back
In a year,
Or in two,
Or as soon
As you say
We're through.
And it doesn't make sense
To know that we won't
Survive.
I just can’t stay
With someone so close
To the sky
While I'm stuck
Down here,
While I’m living
In fear,
While nothing else
Is clear.
Is it irrational that I think like this?
Look at the way you
Held her head in a kiss.
Look at the way
Your smile glows
Looking at her.
Everyone knows
Two stars are meant
To be,
But we are one star
And a me.
Looking at these pictures,
I can finally see.
What's irrational is not
That I think I might be able
To keep you,
What's irrational is that
I ever thought I had this chance
To lose.
The Moment
Every second that's passed,
I can’t help but assume
That your interest is gone
And will not resume.
I may text you back,
But I'm sure what I said
Sounded nothing like
What it did in my head.
And the chances of you
Sending back in return
A message that's more
Than a couple of words
Is nothing to hold
My breath over now.
There's no way you like me
This moment around.
So when my phone says
That a message arrived.
I'm shocked it's from you.
And I'm shocked that it's nice.
I'm shocked that you seemed
To like me back then,
One moment ago,
A moment I'll spend
Every day in,
Like I know it's the last
Moment you're interest in me
Hasn't passed.
A Taste
It touches
The tip of
My tongue
And lights up
All the parts
Of my heart
And my mind
And my gut,
Then it turns
Into tingles
And flutters,
A high
That takes
Me beyond
Every cloud
In the sky,
And I think
That if this
Can be mine
For a while,
I'd spend
Every day
With a you
And a smile,
But I reach
Out my hand
Cause I want
One more taste,
But it's gone
Cause he has
To go back
To his place.
Now, I know
That this is
Hard to get
If you've had
A plate of
This love your
Whole life, but
My past
Was so bland,
That sometimes
When he leaves,
And I fall,
I think that
I'd rather
Have not tasted
It at all.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
You're so scared of losing me,
And I'm so scared I don't have you
That I don't say
What's on my mind
'Cause I don’t think
You think it, too.
I'm so scared of losing you,
And you're so scared you don’t have me
That you hold your
Words too close
And hand them out
Too carefully.
You're so scared of losing me,
And I'm so scared I don't have you.
A self-fulfilling
Prophecy if
Neither of us
Speaks up soon.
The Sting (explained)
He walks in.
He flies by.
Their golden hair
Moves through the sky.
He lands on
A flowered skirt.
He has on
A flowered shirt.
He buzzes on.
He chats about.
A worker's life,
The world around
A precious cargo.
He takes hold.
A heart that is
In his control.
He sinks in,
And so does he.
Something isn't
As it seems.
He's been tricked,
But he can feel
The difference when
It isn't real.
He is moved.
He is changed
When the currents
Rearrange.
Now he will leave,
And so will he.
Sun on wings,
And shoes on feet.
I won't see him.
He won't see me.
When I turn my
Head to scream.
Not the same,
But the thing
I hate is how
They share the sting.
Poetry Explained!
This poem is, if you can’t already tell, about the comparison between a bee and a man. When I started dating A, he wore these bright colored shirts all the time. He was almost known for them. He had one on at a park one day early in our relationship.
Something you must know about this man is that he is not expressive in any way in regard to his emotions. This led to some early relationship turmoil, especially when it came to becoming “official” or saying things like, “I love you.”
Another thing to note about A is that he refers to his interest in woman like he is a digital clock instead of an analog one. He describes his attraction as either a 1 or a 0. There is no in-between for him. The problem is, there is also no way of knowing which one you are.
Anyway, on this day in question, as he was wearing his usual bright colored shirt, a bee landed on him, likely confusing him for a flower. I realized, in this moment, that this bee and A were basically the same being. This bee also lives a life of things being a 1 or 0. Either this bee can get pollen, or it can’t. You either are a flower, or you’re not. If you’re not, the bee has no interest. In this moment, I felt as if A had no interest in me based on his lack of any romantic expression. I felt that A and this bee, with their golden hair and bright outfits, waking up just to work and eat, while ignoring frivolity, were basically the same. The bee realized the shirt wasn’t a flower, and he flew off. A would soon realize that the thing between us wasn’t a 1, and we would have the same fate. I felt that the sting the bee could provide in the case of being upset by the useless, bright orange shirt was similar to the sting I would feel at the words A was destined to say about us.
And that, my friends, is how The Sting came to be.
Thanks for reading!
The Window
I remember the way that your fingers once danced
On my leg as we talked about hair.
I looked out the window and stared,
Trying to hold down the air.
I took pictures to keep in my mind,
Thinking that was my last time there.
You didn't know, but I knew.
You don’t see it, but I do.
The Shift
He can tell
When the line
To cross is
Too close.
He can tell
When the tip
Of the first of
Her toes
Touches ground,
And it shakes,
Causing all the
Windows
To break, but
He holds up
The walls, if
He shows
Her that he
Sees, and he
Feels, and
He knows,
Then something
Must give, or
Someone
Must go.
If he
Can stop it
Before it
All blows,
He thinks that
Maybe the
Shift can
Be slowed,
But he knows.
No More
No more for you,
You’ve had your fill.
Your plate is piled
High.
I scooped and scooped
And watched the hill
Climb up toward the
Sky.
Soon, I could no longer
Reach my arm to
Place another
Drop.
I tried and tried and
Stretched, but I still
Could not reach the
Top.
If you decide that
You want more, well,
First you sure will have to
Eat
What is on your
Plate before I
Ever give you more of
Me.
Not Afraid
You're not afraid
Of my love.
You're not afraid
Of my heart.
You're not afraid
I'll give up.
You're not afraid
That we'll part.
You're not afraid
To be honest.
You're not afraid
To be real.
You're not afraid
To have lost it,
When that's not
How you feel.
You're not afraid
To be quiet
While you lay
On your side.
You're not afraid
That you'll leave,
And I'll lay
There and cry.
You're not afraid
That you'll go,
And I won't
Be alright.
I'm afraid
That you don’t know
That you should
Be terrified.