One Day
I took a turn,
For a single day,
Down a road
That lead to him,
A friend who knew
Nothing of me,
But treated me like
He did,
Not a detour,
Just a stop,
A pause to experience
His world,
His smile, his laugh,
The way he described
Me to all
Of the girls,
Anyone who
Saw us that day
Thought that we might
Have come
Together, but we
Just happen to fit,
For a single day
As one,
As the day ended,
We both turned around
And headed back toward
Our lives,
But I hold that day
In a snow globe I save
To remind me what it
Could be like.
The Basement
When he's off to work
Or out with friends,
That's when my life
Above begins,
The moon is bright,
And the songs are loud,
And I join in
On even ground,
I see new people
Eye-to-eye,
Taking numbers
Before goodbye,
Then I go home
To the undergound
Where I will stay
'Till next time around.
Puppydog Eyes
Puppydog eyes,
Hidden in shade,
A pat on the side
'Cause it'll be okay,
A touch of the waist
When it’s going great,
A lock on his face
'Cause I can't look away,
The warmest surprise,
When his hug lasts for days,
And I didn’t have to ask
For any of his praise,
A text that's un-answered,
But I am unfazed,
For now, I am lost
In his puppydog gaze.
The Brightest Day
I dont know how it happens,
The timeline might be different
For you,
But I woke up this morning,
To clouds so large, they hid a fluorescent
Full moon,
The lights at the park that come on
When the sun is too dim
To sense
Were still on at 10am
When they should have been off
At six,
And, yet, it was the brightest day
That I have seen
In months,
I picked up my phone and texted friends
And I didn't even think
Of him once,
Brown Hair
I could vomit
At the site
Of a brown haired girl,
No one told me
It would be
This way,
The betrayal
Doesn't end
At the person,
That pain
Will find
It's place,
A woman in a car
That you cant
See well,
Or a girl
Sitting at
A Cafe,
If her hair is brown,
Then my heart
Will break,
And that
Is the price
That I'll pay.
Another One
Here it comes,
Another hit,
He's going out,
My stomach drops,
The next one comes
When he isnt home
At 5am,
My face gets hot,
The phone will ring,
Or there's a text,
I see his name,
I start to shake,
When is the next
Hit to land,
And which part of me
Will it break?
The Punch
I braced for the hit
Like the match had just started,
But I knew that this fighter
Was out of my league,
The weight difference, alone,
Was enough to make the punch
Send stars through my eyes
And knock me to my knees,
He picked up his hand,
My heart fell to my stomach,
My eyes squinted shut,
I tensed up and turned away,
The cut was as expected,
The match was over when I landed,
But It was exactly what I needed
To finally be okay.
Stand
A night out once in a while,
6 out of 7,
But I feel okay,
Tonight, I caught her old smile,
In a mirror I used to
Avoid like a plague,
I heard the echoing laugh
Of a friend who looks different
Under halloween lights,
He'll stagger when he comes back,
With a yellow that dims
What used to be bright,
I have so much to write down,
But not like before,
With a shake in my hand,
He'll run himself into the ground,
Right as I learn
How to finally stand
Roots
The oak tree out the window
Has grown over the roof,
I used to try to trim it,
But it's just no use.
At first, I cut the branches,
And eventually, the stem
That started from the ground,
Just like I did with him.
Amazing how a tree
Can be cut to the stump,
Told that it's not wanted,
And it's time to give up,
If you didnt know,
You'd walk by, and not see
A perfect little bud growing
Where it used to be,
And now, it lives again,
I could cut it till I bleed,
But the surface doesnt matter
When the strength is underneath.
Killshot
The unforgiving grooves of the sidewalk
Dug in to the tops of my knees,
My heart took off with my stomach,
My breath disappeared with the breeze,
The shots that he took with his words,
And the actions unknown 'till that day,
They hit, and they pierced, and they tore
Through all of the reasons to stay,
But I bandaged my knees, and I stood,
And I spend every day in the fight,
Adrenalin is my weapon against
All but the darkness of night,
The glimpses I get of his smile
Force all of the pain to sit back,
He opens his mouth, and shoots daggers,
But a bandage will always fix that,
But someday, the blood will stop pouring,
And the pain will fully retreat,
And all of the things that he hasn't said
Will be the final shot that I need.
Below
I can eat, I can live, I can smile,
I can sip on my coffee and think about my day,
I can exist like everyone else,
And everyone sees me the same.
I can talk to my boss about something at work,
She'll walk away, and she'll never know,
The quiet, the still, the typical me
Is hiding somewhere below.
Remember
That smile,
That giggle,
The way you brought your fists
To your face
In that desperate need to bite something
Because the excitement was too much,
I remember that feeling.
The way your body releases helium
From your toes to your brain,
Like you'll up and float away,
I remember that feeling.
The way the muscles in your cheeks
Are attached to hands in the sky
By two small strings,
Like a puppet that pulls
At the corners of your lips,
Even at times that make no sense,
Just because you thought
Of that thing that you love
More than this moment
That you are in,
I remember that feeling.
Seeing you go through
This phase of love,
The kind that shines a light
Through your eyes,
The kind that brings a smile to strangers
In your presence,
And they don't understand why,
Seeing you live
Through true joy
For the first time in your life,
And remembering how that
Was how I felt
When I first found you,
That is a feeling I will remember
Long after the puppets
Drop their strings,
Long after the helium runs dry,
That is a feeling I will remember
Every time you come home
With a smile I could not create
No matter how hard I tried.
The wait
There's a perfect reflection in the microwave
That sees the spot next to my car,
It's open.
I eat dinner with the boys,
I hold back tears,
I look into the monitor
With a camera on the door,
There's no one.
I wipe off the counters,
I send an angry text ,
I'm hoping this one gets through,
But the microwave says no,
And the text stays closed,
And I’m stuck waiting
For you.
Sidewalk
I think the kids are talking to me,
But I'm not sure.
I have to rewind the podcast
To hear what was said.
I can't remember if I asked my patient
Their date of birth,
So I ask again, but the wave comes in
And fills my ears with lead.
My brain is buzzing like a hive
Seconds before the smoke,
I can feel my body moving,
Seems time isnt slowing down,
Somehow, I woke up, I got dressed,
And I'm here,
So how can it be possible
To still be back in town,
Sitting on the cracks of a sidewalk
I've never seen,
One that leads to nothing
But a place for me cry,
It's like it was put there years before
With the intention to house me,
A soul who's body will move on,
But who's spirt will be stuck in time.
Breathe
My stomach is digesting my heart,
But I am walking from a height I have never been.
Every few minutes, a valve that holds back poison
Bursts
Flooding my veins
With a name who’s rhyme fits this end.
Once I am able to crawl back to my knees,
I am smiling at patients, and discussing their day,
It’s a new world where clarity
Is pain,
Where a thought about groceries
Can be knocked to the side
With a sudden flash of a memory
Of that day.
I’ll sink into the floor below me
Until I’m lower than the mat where I stood,
But the next thing I know,
I am standing,
And I’m breathing,
And I don’t know how I got there,
All that I know is that the time between
Those two things
Is increasing by the second,
And one day, I’ll be standing
And breathing,
And I won’t know any different.
A letter
Somewhere, in a different timeline,
I stayed.
I know who he is, right now,
I made
Peace with hurt that he caused,
And I
Made up for the hurt that I caused,
Our lives
Took off toward the music and fun
We had,
We grew, and when we look back,
We laugh
At how immature we were,
We take
Each others hands and decide
To make
A vow to never be like that
Again,
We grow old, but we stay friends,
The end.
I wish I could speak to that me
Right now,
Not to ask her about him
Or how
The kids are, or even discuss
The past,
I just want to hear
Her laugh.
Insane
I cant speak,
I cant think,
Is it the drugs,
Or is it me?
Am I getting dumber,
Is something wrong
With my brain?
Is it the toxic fumes
I've been taking in,
Breathing in deep
The words that feel so
Comfortable in my chest
Until the lies get sticky
And clog up my airways,
Till im laying here, wondering
If my loss of memory,
Or ability
To write poetry
Is because of the slow loss
Of oxygen to my brain
From years of poison,
Dosed carefully enough,
To make sure I stay
By leaving open the question
Of which one of is
Is actually insane.